Like most things in life, healthy relationships require commitment from both sides. When people fall in love, with time they realize that living together is difficult and has some challenges.
The use of surveillance apps
Some couples seek to learn more about their partners by hacking their devices. Today, surveillance apps like Spyic provide a quick way of hacking a device. The app lets you hack Android and iOS devices.
These couples get to discreetly see all the activities on their partners’ devices. Spyic is a web-based phone surveillance app trusted by over a million users. It has even been featured in major media outlets like CNET.
Spouses no longer worry about ‘how to hack an iPhone’ using Spyic.
Here are the 10 things most people don’t know about relationships
1. Coming up with positive moments is important than processing negative ones
Couples recover quickly and build better relationships when they create positive memories. This outweighs spending time to process negative experiences.
Couples don’t always need to repair differences that cause real disconnection. The reality is that in most cases, what couples argue about cannot be resolved and doesn’t need to be.
So, quit banging your heads against a wall. Instead, take your partner out for a fun day or night out. Find something that is hilarious for both of you or go to a good comedy show.
These shared positive experiences help cancel negative feelings.
2. We talk a lot
The part of the brain responsible for feeling safe has a hard time understanding long complex sentences. Rather, it prefers short and sweet conversations.
So, choose powerful words that communicate your feelings directly to your partner. As you speak, gaze into your partner’s eyes for maximum effect.
3. Not making up quickly after an argument is a sign of a bad relationship
For a healthy couple, arguing is a normal part of being together. The problem is about how couples argue and how quickly they make up. Arguments can actually deepen your relationship since it releases pent up emotions.
However, couples should not be hostile in arguments. Try as soon as possible to understand, apologize, and make-up with your partner. The longer a couple feels disconnected after an argument, the more negative feelings develop.
4. Thinking we made a mistake when we really chose well
It’s true there are cases of bad choices when it comes to choosing partners. However, what often happens is that couples lack the skills to move relationships beyond the early phases. This makes them doubt their choices.
It takes work and practice to move beyond reality and annoyance stages of partnership where individuals feel incompatible. Once they pass this stage, couples realize they made a good choice after all.
5. Closeness, understanding, connection, and security are the real issues
Since people are not trained to speak about these issues, couples use other things to resolve them. Some couples use money, sex, mess, and kids to resolve these issues.
The problem with this approach is that superficial conversations cannot resolve the need to connect. So, when couples feel loved, connected, and understood, then their annoyance with details seems to disappear.
Couples tolerate differences when they feel connected.
6. Couples don’t have the same memory of things
Humans encode things into their memory depending on previous experiences. So, memory is encoded through a filter that changes based on emotion and stress. Early experiences influence how we perceive and remember things.
So stop trying. Couples face challenges agreeing on facts since their perception of the same event is different. Making up, caring for each other’s feelings, and moving forward are the most important things.
Memory is subjective so next time avoid seeking agreement.
7. It’s all about skills
Being in a healthy relationship is about skill. Relationships can be stressful. Under stress, areas of the brain that deal with calculated thought switch off. Knowledge about relationships is useless in these times.
So, couples need skills that are woven into their emotion and muscle memory that don’t require thought. Even models on couples therapy are updating their techniques to build implicit skills in couples.
What couples know doesn’t help them when running on animal instincts.
8. Poorly trained for intimate relationships
Humans are social creatures used to having family connections with others. However, couples like most other people are poorly trained in intimate relationships.
Most families do not model an exemplary relationship which makes it hard to find role models. Knowing how to relate to others is important for a couples’ well-being and happiness as well as their kids too. Children thrive in secure settings.
9. Relationships influence our self-esteem
Neuroscience shows that the human sense of self is linked to relationship with early caregivers. Humans create a sense of identity based on how they are treated. When humans are treated well, they assume they’re good and have a sense of confidence.
When people are not treated well, they lose confidence and develop low self-esteem among other limiting feelings. As adults, couples hope to develop high self-esteem through personal individual pursuits.
Also, they surround themselves with people who believe in and support them to develop a positive self-image.
10. Relationship makes couples smarter
Relationships challenge the brain in helpful ways. One example is, in order to be fair to their partner, couples must learn to accommodate two different opinions.
Otherwise, conversations may result in a winner and a loser which is not a good feeling in a relationship. This results in a marker of intelligence that simultaneously holds opposite opinions as equally valid.
So, relationships make couples to be more mentally flexible. For instance, flexibility denotes the ability to switch from intellectual conversation into an emotional one.
In this post, we’ve shown you 10 things most people don’t know about relationships. Also, we showed you that it is possible to spy on your spouse. If you are a couple take these lessons and apply them.