What if Microsoft and Apple did the World of Warcraft movie?

The World of Warcraft movie, being helmed by none other than “Evil Dead” Sam Raimi (who of course also did the Spiderman blockbusters) has WoW fans anxiously anticipating the movie’s release. But, as far as inquiring minds go, we were wondering what it would be like if the very popular franchise had taken a different direction on its path to the big screen.

We know that both Apple and Microsoft have been doing battle for the living room, each with their own devices to stake out a claim (Apple TV vs Xbox). What if they both went beyond the living room to the Silver Screen, but perhaps doing business as usual along the way? And, along with their considerable clout, each was able to secure a license to the WoW movie. This definitely has not happened, but just imagine. What if…

The Microsoft World of Warcraft movie, titled “World of Warcraft – World Panorama”, would be released under heavy promotion bearing fantastic CGI graphics and an impressive music track, but without a real plot. After its release, Microsoft will then shift the advertising budget to show focus groups in session discussing how it really is a great movie.

There will also be advertising done to show exactly how you can simply ignore a lot of the extraneous special effects by closing your eyes and humming at select times during the movie. None of this will actually produce the sought after effect and it will pave the way for a quickly produced new version of the movie, which has the CGI and music scaled back in order to fit the plot into the alloted run time.

This second release of the Microsoft WoW movie, which will then be called simply “World of Warcraft 7” (for good luck, no doubt), would then have a strong showing with many positive reviews, most of which are actually genuine. Unfortunately, the regular trailers and theater promos can not be shown with the movie since they are no longer compatible with the new format. This will lead to limited runs with only the major theater chains making the investment required to show the film.

Once the Microsoft WoW comes out, be sure to not delay in taking it in. The film is rumored to be susceptible to the Corrupted Blood virus, which could cut short its intended run at the box office.

In contrast, the Apple World of Warcraft movie, titled “iWarcraft”, arrives as a well constructed film, but it is an all CGI work with no actual filmed actors. There are, however, major talent on tap for the voice work, with Tom Hanks and that guy from “Cheers” starring as the leading men. Balancing that is Jeremy Irons, who turns in a sensational vocal performance as the film’s powerful antagonist. The bad news is that the ticket price is double that of the Microsoft version.

The movie could then be announced at an important Apple convention by Steve Jobs, where he will make the prediction that iWarcraft will sell 1 billion tickets before the end of the next calendar year. The session will end with carefully produced fake outtakes from the CGI movie, and these outtakes, along with a clever and humorous short entitled, “Orc on Patrol”, will go on to be nominated for an Academy Award.

In a move to allow for carefully staged promotional material, the wizards in the movie will carry iStaffs, emblazoned with the ever popular Apple logo. The staffs will also be able to play music, surf the forthcoming Internet, and even offers movie rental for the low cost of a few paltry gold pieces.

While obviously the movies discussed here are meant to be taken tongue in cheek, the impact of the computer industry on movie making has permanently changed both the process and the content of our big screen entertainment. From the creation of special effects to the digital distribution of the titles, our movie watching experience has been enriched by computer technology.

However, let’s hope that the companies responsible for helping the computer industry to get to where it is today, continue to realize that their strengths belong behind the camera, not in front. Outside, of course, of a few well placed products carefully positioned to best show off the latest logos.

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